In this blog post I will explain why low self-esteem is formed and how to learn to treat yourself well not because of external achievements, but just like that.
Each person is the sum of actions, that one chooses to take to live their lives. In simple words: what you do is your life. If you work in an uninteresting job, do not live with those you love, hardly spend money on yourself, and for the sake of another you are ready to break into a cake – this is not from kindness, but from low self-esteem.
How low self-esteem is formed?
One experimenter took the experience of Pavlov’s dog, only gave the animal not food, but shocked it. The cage was closed and over time the dog stopped trying to escape the discharge. Then she was moved to a pen with a curb, but she still did not try to escape – this is how learned helplessness is formed. Likewise, children who, in childhood, were told that they could not do anything, become classic C grade students – they do not want anything, they do not strive for anywhere, they go with the flow.
Does appearance affect self-esteem?
For many, the phrase “love yourself” is something incomprehensible, a set of sounds. In fact, everything is pretty clear here: if you do not like yourself, you are not satisfied with your work and personal life, and you can do nothing about it, then you do not love yourself. Moreover, it often happens that beautiful people have low self-esteem – they are in demand, but for the first 15 minutes, then they open their mouths, and that’s it. Whether another person loves you is not influenced by appearance, age and character, the main thing is self-esteem.
Why love doesn’t need a reason?
Our parents, even the wisest ones, taught us to love ourselves for something: we have to prove something, to represent something. In fact, you can only love yourself for nothing. Usually, after all, when they ask “Why do you love a person?”, The correct answer is “just like that”. So why don’t you treat yourself that way? You will say: “Ilona, well, I’m not blind. I know how old I am, I know all my shortcomings. ” I will answer: “You are comparing yourself with someone: with those who are younger or older, who do not have cellulite and have bigger breasts.” I propose another way out of this situation: “I like myself because it is me.” Not because you are better or worse, but because it is you. Come home, strip naked, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I like everything. Everything I see suits me.”
You can only love yourself for nothing…
A person who loves himself, does not tolerate, does not explain that there are relatives who need to be fed, that there is no way out – this is nonsense. People with high self-esteem do what they want to do and are not afraid of the consequences. They live as they like and do what they love. If they are married, then exclusively for love, and if love is gone, then they get divorced. Loving yourself is an opportunity to live the way you want, and this is the guarantee of happiness.
Why you should stop asking others for their opinion?
If you want to boost your self-esteem, stop asking people about yourself – both near and far. Assess yourself – it’s difficult, but it’s the way to yourself. In the word self-esteem it is not for nothing that the first root is “self”, this is your opinion, not someone else’s. If you really do not succeed, ask yourself not “What is wrong with me?”, But “What am I doing wrong?”
How to improve self-esteem?
Ask yourself “What I want”, stop doing everything automatically, learn to understand what you want – for a start, at least just in relation to food and clothing. In this way, you will gradually learn to understand your desires.
Very truly yours,
ILona B. Schukina