One of the happiest decisions of my life is to let people think of me everything that comes to their mind.Ilona Schukina
If you think about this quote, it probably will sound quite arrogant at first, but as it settles in your head a feeling of freedom comes.
There is simply no point in spending time arguing, proving your thoughts or trying to be likeable… I heard so many times “she is superficial, she knows it all, el commandante, porchelino…” I disliked it, but I smiled in return and thought what can I do to make them like me. And they did like me for a while, and then found another thing to bully. I lost so much energy and had so much anxiety on trying to please people around me.
I must admit, I really regret the time I spent on trying to fit in and not belonging. I regret communicating through force with those who did not value me or were uninterested in me, who wanted to discuss with me topics which I did not want to discuss with them and later even criticized my opinion. Who labeled me to the groups “foreigner, women, young…”. Who expected me to follow their advice, that it just becomes easier to control me. All the critics I received was in other persons head, in their thoughts, and it’s their time spent on what they deemed necessary. Why shall it even bother me? Not making excuses for my opinion or way of life, which I never impose on anyone, is just great!
When you hear other people critics, it is just a smarter and healthier to decide what to get out of it: a motivational advice or simply ignore. Forget the part to feel pressured, just feel lazy about starting this process in your head. It is not self-importance or conceit, it is just freedom from those who can not stand me. Yes, it is a delightful freedom! Yes, it’s this amazing feeling of freedom to no longer afraid to disappoint anyone! On 26 Jan 2020 I made a deal with myself on this mindset, and in 4 months I already received a wonderful general cleaning of my life: the night sleeps are sweeter and it feels much lighter to live.
I learned, that it makes no sense to take the responsibility to emotionally serve those who decide that their opinion of me should affect my life. You might argue that your partner or family wish you best with their opinions, but do they? Are you sure that their comments are not just the way how they want to see the ideal you, and not how you are an ideal you for you? No one but yourself should influence your life. Therefore, let them think and say what they want about you… while you can have freedom of living your life.
Very truly yours,
ILona B. Schukina